my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize