): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize