Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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