so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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