I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i think i just lost a toe
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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