Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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