You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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