Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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