My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize