do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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