Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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