dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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