dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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