our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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