do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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