I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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