Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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