would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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