Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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