She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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