wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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