you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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you inspire me to be a worse person
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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