If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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