I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize