Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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