dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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