i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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