oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
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he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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