Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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