I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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