New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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