I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize