i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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