almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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