Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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