As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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