I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize