She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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