Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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