You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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