apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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