I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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