Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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