I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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