hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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