just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize