how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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