cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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