Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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