I hate your face
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
