He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
