Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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