im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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